I have been alarmed over the last few weeks hearing about the recent string of suicides of LGBT youths in the United States. The news media has reported that a lot of these young boys and girls were bullied, teased and harassed because of the their orientation. Having LGBT family members and friends, this issue is of great importance to me. Suicide is never the answer. It does get better.
I recently found out that my middle son was being bullied at school by a couple of classmates and being called "gay," "gay wad," and "queer" as a means to harass and humiliate him "because they felt like it." They also went around to fellow classmates and told them that they saw him kissing a boy, just because "they felt like it." He's in 5th grade mind you. 5th grade! Fortunately he had the fortitude to tell his teacher what two students were saying to him and she nipped it in the bud.
I guess my point is in sharing this story about my son is that people use words of hate and circumstances to try to hurt their fellow peers whether they are gay or not. Kids are not born spewing hate and ignorance, they are learning it from their parents, family members, at church at school, in the media and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! At some point people have to stand up and decide that its not okay to hurt and humiliate people through words. That its not okay to use derogatory "gay" terms in referring to events, people or just because they feel like it.
Having gone through depression myself, I know how hopeless and hard it can be, but I also know that through time, love, patience and help it does get better.
To those LGBT and questioning youths out there, there is hope. It does get better. No matter how dark and difficult your life may seem. It does get better. No matter how hopeless or angry or sad you may be. It does get better. Suicide is NOT the answer. It will get better.
The Trevor Project is a 24 hour crisis and suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, transgender and questioning youth. If you need help, any help at all please call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386).
13 comments:
Sarah,
Thank you so much for this post. This is not something I have spoken about beyond my circle of friends and family, but our son has been in counseling to help talk about things he is going through, as he feels "different" than the other boys and is interested in things typically geared to girls. He has so many questions. He wants to know why he cannot wear nail polish to school. He wants to know why it is not viewed as "OK".
Bullying is a huge concern.
This needs to stop. You don't decide one day, "I think I'll be gay." People don't get that.
It's not just kids that bully others either. But I'm glad that your son & Chic & Green's son was able to reach out for help. People of all ages need to learn & realize that bulling isn't wise to do. Most of the time when someone bullies another it's because they feel that they have to attack others to make themselves feel good about themselves. They do it due to they are jealous over something like how they aren't like the other person. Or because the other person has something they don't. Or can do something they can't do. Which is crazy but since they aren't happy they aren't about to let that person be happy either at all cost. It's very sad when people are like this. For that's not how people are spose to be. We are spose to be smarter & get along. But that a dream & not how the real world is. Just think how wonderful life would be IF that's how people was? Everyone got along!
Bravo. Bullying is a terrible thing and it seems to be getting worse. Because of my work as a theater teacher, I was an unofficial confidante to many young students coming to terms with their sexuality. It's never easy - and to have to deal with bullying as well is terrible.
But then, bullying of any kind is unacceptable and you're right - we must look to the parents to teach children what is right and what is absolutely wrong.
Well, I just tried to leave a commnet and lost it in a wrong click. I think your post is wonderful!! There is no excuse for bullying or being mean to another person. I'm so glad your son felt comfortable in talking to the teacher. And there is always hope, it just takes a minute to call someone. Each of us has a responsiblity to the youth of our country to help them on the road to adulthood, to let them know there is HOPE. Thank you for lending your voice to the issue.
Annette
That is a great line to know. I have a nephew dealing with bullying right now and it is heartbreaking to know that he is the object of such hate. It was so prevalent when I was a school psychologist and one of my PFLAG friends gave me a great poster to put up in my room. It was some "permission-giving" poster...such as, 'it is ok to talk about it here." I had a number of kids respond to it and share their fear, as it didn't seem like they had a life ahead of them.
I salute you for addressing this and can't wait to hear the message.
Suz
Thank you for taking the time to make this extremely important post. It breaks my heart knowing what kids go through - and they seem to be getting younger and younger. The bullying and teasing - I remember it oh-too-well. Luckily I had the courage to stick it through and somehow knew it would "get better." And of course it did. I just wish I could tell each and every kid who is suffering that they too will survive. It just makes me so sad.
What a inspiring post....bullying starts at such a young age and seems as if it continues throughout adulthood. Bullying has become so much more prevalent than in years past....such a sad waste of time. Stand firm on who you are, know that things will get better, you are not alone and turn to someone or be a friend to someone in need. Love will prevail and be a loving example for your children everyday!
I am so glad your son has such a wonderful mother to support him and help him through this and every incident in his life.
xo,
Ellen
Sarah your post is so amazingly poignanat and important thank you for sharing your thoughts and the very important information.
It is hard to imagine children bullying children and as Mother's it hurts deeply to think it is going on.
Thank you again for this post!
My Best-
Kristen
I never understood the hatred for the transgendered. As if it isn't hard enough to feel you are born in the wrong body!! DO unto others applies to everyone, even if you may not agree!!
Kids have been bullied for years and years...this is nothing new. They are bullied for all kinds of reasons...none of them justified in the least. I am glad this is being brought out so all the kids that are being put in this horrible place have advocates to stand up for them...kids can be cruel...as can adults...it is not a gay issue...it is a "bullying" issue. The school DO NOT know how to handle it and it must be stopped!
This all just sickens and scares me. I have a seven year old boy who is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily and it tends to make him a target for bullying. I just moved him from public to private school, but I'm not naive enough to think that means it will stop - but at least he's in a much smaller class setting so maybe it will be noticed more readily.
My heart goes out to your son, and to you, and to all us moms who love our children so much yet feel helpless to protect them.
Well said and I totally agree. This has gotten completely out of control. There was a horrible attack here in NYC last week that just sickens me. And the candidate running for Governor made a speech that included making sure our youth know that being gay is not a good way to live. Horrible! It's things like this that just make it worse because people actually look up to this man. Sad. I hope people can start to spread the message that bullying and violence against others for ANY reason is not the right way to live. Sigh . . .
Thank you for putting it out there!
Hi Sarah,
It never ceases to amaze me how young bullying starts! I am so disheartened for your precious son, I hope that the teacher took care of it for good!!!
I have 2 son's myself and my oldest is a first grader. I just pray that he is never bullied to the point where he feels like he has to take his own life.
This subject just breaks my heart, as I am writing, I'm tearing up just thinking of all of the kids out there tormented by these horrible little punks!! How dare anyone make someone else feel inferior!
I just saw a clip on Good Morning America where a 12 year old boy was bullied for wanting be be on the cheer leading squad and the bullies actually broke his arm!
I couldn't believe it!
I'm sorry about my tirade but your right, something more critical needs to be done to the bullies in this country so we will stop loosing our children!
Sincerely,
Melinda
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