Words Can Hurt

I recently had an important conversation with my nine year old. You see he came home from school not to long ago upset. Apparently another child at school had told him he was stupid and ugly and it had really upset him. Those simple words caused more damage to his self image than any shove or punch to the nose ever could. So I shared with him my own personal story.

When I was 5, I was diagnosed with hearing loss in both ears. I can't tell you what the actual percentage of loss that I have, but at the time it was severe enough to warrant hearing aids and speech therapy. For a young girl just starting out in kindergarten dealing with hearing aids in both ears was devastating to me. Even at just five years old, other kids realized that I was different. I had these weird things sticking out of my ears and I had to leave class a few times a week to attend speech therapy. I had trouble with "s", "r", "t" "f", "y", :th","sh" and "ch". And so when I spoke, kids knew I sounded "funny." I got made fun of........A LOT. As an adult I can look back and see why kids acted the way they did, both from ignorance and fear of not understanding what was wrong with me. But as a child I didn't understand that and I would come home crying many days or if I didn't want to let my parents know that I was upset I would
cry myself to sleep many nights.


When I was in 1st grade, I didn't wear my hair the way all the other girls did. Scrunchies, banana clips and pony tails were really "in" in the early 80's, but I always wore my hair down to cover my ears so people couldn't see my hearing aids. Then in the middle of 1st grade a boy called me "retarded". Now I knew what that word meant because there was a mentally challenged woman who attended my church and it was explained to me that she was the way she was due to some health problems. I was also told that using the word retarded was not a nice way of describing someone with this specific illness. So when I was called "retarded" I really took it to heart and from that point on I refused to wear my hearing aids. No amount of persuasion from my parents would get those things in my ears and if I did wear them, as soon as I got to school I would take them out and put them into my backpack. Eventually my parents gave up, because I could be quite stubborn and they got tired of trying to argue with me.

My refusal of wearing my hearing aids had repercussions. I had sit in the front of the classroom to be sure that I could hear the teacher speak. I can remember having problems hearing my 2nd grade teacher during spelling tests when she roamed the classroom during the test. It also affected my speech - it got worse and I still got made fun of the way I talked. I still went to speech therapy and I actually attended sessions through 10th grade. By that time I was aware of words that I had trouble enunciating and since then I take extra care when speaking, but still have problems today. Now it sounds like a "cute lisp", as my husband likes to call it, but even to this day I am very much aware of how how I sound when I am speaking. I did however teach myself to read lips very well I can "listen" in on conversations from across a room or know what is being said if the T.V. is on mute.

Having a speech problem severely impacted how I interacted with kids when I was growing up. I became extremely shy and didn't speak unless I had to, which of course meant that I didn't have a lot of friends during elementary and middle school. I often felt lonely and like an outcast. When I got into high school I became a little bit more outgoing, but generally found that my closest friends were boys, rather than girls, because I found that teenage girls were petty and vindictive and there was a lot of gossip that occurred when I wasn't around.

Now fast forward a few years. Its wasn't until my mid-twenties that I really became comfortable with who I am. A lot of therapy helped me get past my issues and insecurities, but every once in a while I find them creeping back and I have to remind myself that I am who I am and that there isn't anything "wrong" with that.

So this brings me back to my son. After telling him my story, I asked him if he understood what I was trying to tell him. He answered quite simply: "Words can hurt." A simple phrase, but what a big impact words can can have on us all. I think he now understands that sometimes people just say hurtful things, but the important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter what other people say as long as you believe in yourself.